the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
