Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
