I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
