Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
