I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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