you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
