She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
