just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
