Just fell off a train. Bad.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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