And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
