I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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