I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
