I don't remember. Are we still dating?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
