No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
