i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Sorry about my life...
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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