FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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