Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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