God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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