There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Randomize
