I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize