i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
