Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
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