after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
