HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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