I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Randomize
