that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
