Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Randomize
