thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I'm having to shit out rocks
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