found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
i think im in europe. pls send help
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize