i think i have herpe
just one?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize