i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Your penis caused this!
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