Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
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