he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
