I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
