Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
