I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i was born a porn star she said
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
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