I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
