it glows. i had to have it.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
