Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
