I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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