what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
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