you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
