help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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