you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
