69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Sober January is a disaster.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
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