I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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