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I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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