but the lizard people decide everything anyway
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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