Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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