no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
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