something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
