First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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