I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
