I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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