i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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