And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
