I'm jealous of your bromance
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
