she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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