I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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