I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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