The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
