I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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