im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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