She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
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