i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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