the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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