just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
