i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
